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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? [entries|friends|calendar]
C. Marie

[ website | j'avons l'amour en ma ventre ]
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I love you more than I love cats. [23 Jun 2011|10:09pm]
[ mood | ha ha what? ]

So, Tyler really WAS a tool and something really WAS wrong with Ellen.

But, I digest..
I am responsible for a whole host of adult things like..rent and car insurance and a cellphone. I wear gel sole inserts in my shoes. I don't do drugs anymore and I only smoke a cigarette when I have no outlet for my intense bottled up emotions (not as often as you'd think! I should quit, I know, shut up.) I met Ryan, couldn't help but fall in love. Seems like I talk about that a lot on this journal but he's taught me what it is to raise love from a small, helpless, afraid creature into a warm and loyal feeling that the doctors find traces of in your blood (not funny) and collects in your veins. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't believe me. There's a small hesitation I've picked up on. Maybe it will eventually pass. (gas, ha!) (ugh.) Well, he's allergic to cats. Sigh. I'd complain about free doughnut day. Seriously, he's perfect. I love him more than.... well, cats.


Boy, I hope he likes having me around because I plan on putting everything I have into this...

I go on walks hoping a stray will come up to me having noticed the puppy-shaped hole in my heart! Puppieeeessss! OH-OH! My grandma AND my mom got married this year! AND my cousin is getting married in October! Fucking. Gah.

Oh, hey. I like your outfit.

(1 epiphany | return to sender)

Make it fit! [13 Dec 2009|07:03pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Had a Ladies' weekend with Juliet. We went out Friday and found us a whole mess of cute clothes. I know, I know..Retail Therapy. But I haven't bought, tried on -or worn anything NEW in 6 months or more. I was beginning to feel ..blech. BUT NOW! Now- I feel good. Stayed up all gatdamned night making a music video. We were sober besides the sleep deprivation. Missing Tyler, but glad he's livin' it up. Helped Juliet clean her garage all day Saturday. Karma bit Ellen in the butt and then fired her. Something is off about that girl. Went over to Ryan's and watched Behind the Mask. Movie about serial killers. I loved it, it was funny and quite interesting. As we were leaving, Ryan said: "Sleep well," ..My friends are so trivial sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Someone asked me if I was still with Tyler last night. Then said he was "tool-ish". Juliet and I figured that he was just bitter because I'm not going to dump my boyfriend just to bone him instead. HAHAHAHA I laugh in your face! Tyler may be a fo-ol but he ain't no to-ol. The only other guy with Tyler's hotness caliber- not to mention COOLNESS- is Rupert Grint. Redhead? Czech. Virgo? Czech. My kinda man right there. Especially when they have a soft spot for Coca Cola, punk music, Chucks and brunettes. *swoon* Come back, baby. Make the creepies flee.

Troubles come and go, but we are still alive- gliding through the wide open universe in The Heart of Gold. Me, and him. And everyone we know.

(2 epiphanys | return to sender)

Dearest [06 Dec 2009|01:32pm]
New York...
Please take good care of Tyler for me. I love him so much and only want to see that he has a great time visiting. I'm a little torn, New York, but I know that going alone is best for him. Yes, I'll be envious (new emotion I've recently learned) and so lonely..but I think he'll come back refreshed and focused. And, I have things to do anyways. Things are light between us, he keeps telling me: "You're so beautiful..Look at us, we're the only cool ones we know!...I'm so glad you're my girlfriend...I love you!" And I: "Well, you're very handsome, and I love you too...Yes, I know we are cool, '07 invented cool!...Don't forget to bring me a sno-globe from New York!...I love you." He wants me to drive him to the airport on Thursday.

I didn't understand why he thinks he won't want to get a place together, but then I saw that he had never lived on his own before. One has to support themselves first, before thinking of sharing that responsibility. (BUT IT WOULD SAVE SO MUCH MONEY) (...ha ha!) I want him to make himself proud. Hell, now that I think about it I'd rather have my own place too. I just worry too far into the future for those worries to be significant. Curse of the Aquarius.

The other morning I prayed to ______. (basically, the Universe) Now, New York, I know what you're thinking.."Prayed?!" Trust me, religion puts a nasty taste in my mouth, but I was talking to a friend of mine about weird ideas and universal energy. Sounds like a bologna sandwich. He asked me why I was so uncomfortable with the idea of a god. Well, I hate that we are supposedly obligated and that any good feelings have to be personified and bad ones controlled. He revealed that he believes in the power of the Universe. And that maybe I should pray, since I have been having so many conflicting feelings about life and Tyler..so I did. I really did. And I found myself crying.

To be honest, I can have a good art career no matter what. I'm so tired of hearing how I need to concentrate on myself and work hard to do this gallery thing. Fuck you. I am NOT worried about making it. I already know what I can and can't do and my plan for that is well underway. Yes, I could be working on an edition of paintings instead of meeting Tyler for sushi and yes I could be resting instead of going to see his bands play at all hours of the night. Yes I could be with someone that would drop everything and attend to my insecurities.
But I'd never have those little moments, seen those stars in his eyes when he played his best, shared a well deserved pint, or been able to feel confident without hearing a compliment first, and think of how bored I'd be.

So you see, New York, how important he is to me. Keep an eye out for a tall redhead that looks so happy to be there with a cool band shirt on. That's my man. Take him to my favorite pizza joint for me. At least until I can.

See you soon, my friend.

(return to sender)

went to a party last night [20 Sep 2009|04:35pm]
it was really fun. tyler took me home quite early.
i didn't want to go home.

then he went back.
i was under the impression that he was going home.

he spent the night at the roommate's house.
gave her a ride to work in the morning.

he also gave her a ride to and from work yesterday.

i asked him about it.

does he hide this shit from me because he's too lazy to tell me? or is it because he thinks i'll take it the wrong way?
he said it was his business whether he told me about it or not.
is it really none of my business?
why would he get defensive if it was nothing?
i can't tell what he's thinking right now.
if..somehow, this is all just friendly gestures in harsh flourescent lighting or ...

i'm so tired of mulling this around in my head and heart.

i want to say that she's a parasite. she treats her body like a theme park. somewhere in there is someone that used to be my friend. didn't try to seduce my boyfriend. didnt ask him for rides all of the god damned time. and had other friends and other things to do.


 to other virgos: is it none of my business? are your friendly gestures often mistaken for more that that?

whatever. i'm not like this out loud. all neurotic and shit. i guess its all up to me whether i choose to ..ignore is the wrong word here...trust him and not question his intentions. i wish i had an instruction manual. then i'd know what to do.

i just didn't want to leave that party.

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riding the wave of mutilation [17 Sep 2009|10:58am]
[ mood | confused ]

They are going to talk today. It makes me so nervous that my happiness depends on what this one girl says to my boyfriend. Why am I so god damned nervous? I know her feelings. They are not for him.

Ryan Shinn read my tarot the other day. not only was the star card in the second to last card (aquarius card) The last card was a graceful woman elementally Air with curly golden brown hair (perfectly desc. of me as an aqua) holding the severed head of a man with the influence of virgo-libra.

Is there victory for our hearts in this storm?

(4 epiphanys | return to sender)

Guess I've got to walk it out.. [15 Sep 2009|03:16pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I made the mistake of posting a problem on Yahoo! Answers. That shit is whack.

Trying to give him space.

Feeling down..because it had to come to that.

Anyone got any ideas?

(return to sender)

When I grow-up I want to be an adult. [13 Sep 2009|01:17pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

I'm going through a lot. A few mistakes have come to light with our relationship and I think I am slowly realizing why. No, not making excuses. It took the both of us talking over a glass of $5 house wine to realize that we may have denied each other the freedom that comes with being young. Although I feel mostly responsible, I was not the one who ultimately made the decision to..well..

I want him to have this freedom; even if it means my momentary unhappiness. I think we see BOTH of our mistakes as something to slowly digest and heal with time. Now, realize that when I say freedom, he means something else. He needs time away from EVERYONE to figure this out. He is so dependent on his parents, friends, even me. He needs this. I need this. I KNOW it will make us stronger. He thinks so, too.

Maybe we rushed into this in the first place. We were young.  Maybe we were supposed to do it the wrong way first. We saw it was there. Maybe we are meant to be. We feel it.

I always tell my friends: "You have to love yourself to be able to love someone else." Yeah, you're thinking, Tyler ..not love himself?...HA! And with that statement I know who really knows him and who sees only his facade, exactly what he wants you to see. Now is the time for me to sprinkle a little sugar on top of my words and eat them like it's the last meal I will ever get. Live them, smell like them, look like them. These have become the most important words I never thought I'd be telling myself..or him.

For the first time since we've gotten together, I really feel like we are trying. Really trying to make this work. It hurts physically. I've lost my appetite. I feel like I'm about to vomit every ten seconds. I can't sleep, work, concentrate. I don't think he can either. So, we chill together. Calmly and quietly bring updates to each other from the other night when we got it all out on the table. Watch Thundercats together. Smoke, drive around. Quietly trusting each other. It's in every word we say.  But it's not like you could hear it. It's hanging around our heads like invisible smoke rings. All the secrets we finally revealed still ring in our ears.

If only school had taught us how to study for this test.



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I WIN! [09 Apr 2009|10:03pm]
[ mood | Wii!!! ]

Wii games rule. Especially Wii Laser hockey.

So tonight is turning out nice. Tyler is dog-sitting for his mom's friend Dionne. She has huge boobs and once gave Tyler a 20 dollar bill with a lipstick kiss on it. We picked up Jamerson and Josh and went to "Little Italy".

I think it will be good to move in with him. We're not like any other couple, we actually get along and know each other.
 I just think we'd have a lot more down time. We need down time. Just dinner and a movie at home. Our home. Me and him.


(2 epiphanys | return to sender)

apparently [14 Jul 2008|02:16pm]
Tyler and I are going to Texas. Cool! a week off from work is just what I need, and who better to spend it with..?

Oh and last night, we were playing pool and Tyler gets these withheld calls and they hang up. I suggest Katie The Girl That Never Grew Up and is Still Obsessed With Tyler. Whatever, nice evening by the way. So today called him, he says Withheld called again  and he heard a "stupid giggle" (which I imagine to be a 'Harrr harrr' similar to Goofy) and said that it was her. Cool. 
Bored at work. Wishing I had my own house.
and a cupcake.

(1 epiphany | return to sender)

shit, goddamn, get off your ass and jam! [02 May 2008|12:12pm]
[ mood | amused ]

car battery died this morning, reminding me that i'm a doo-doo head.  
saw George Clinton & P-Fink again last night 
it was great but do you really have to ask?

ace was actually dancing at a concert which is rare, and surprised me with a funkadelic shirt! (as he put it "i'd buy anything that you wanted if i had the money.") aww, what a honey.

my horoscope said this whould happen but i don't need all that, just lovin' and support. 

and whats with these girls? 
if it's not one it's another, well the last girl is bitter about not getting my man and told her friend that i am the one that's been calling and harrassing her (not me by the way) and that  i hate every girl that talks to tyler, and there's a new one that just..GIVES him money under the premise that she has too much and gives it  all to her friends. i may leave my lights on all night and wake up with a dead battery but i'm not an idiot. last night she kept calling ( apparently she warned ace that she'd be getting blast-faced tonight and that when she does she calls everyone, whoopie ding-dong.) or rather, her drunk friend called for her and did what drunk girls do for their drunk friends that are too shy..they try to prod the boy into saying that he likes her drunken (and ugly) friend.

needless to say, ace is completly unaware that this is going on, and i like it that way. 
although i did explain it to him last night. he joked and stuff..i think he's bummed because he just wants a friend that can just be a friend and not try to hook up with him. i could see it in his face.

does "i have a girlfriend, and i'm happy" just drive the female teen horomones wild? 
or is it his charm and good looks?

lucky me.

(return to sender)

[09 Oct 2006|10:36am]

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who knows..i think YOU NOSE! [07 Oct 2006|03:35pm]
[ mood | doievenhavethese? ]

B- "I can see you being pregnant,"

C- .."WHAT?"

B- "I mean, being pregnant and not freaking out, like I would. You know, staying in school and stuff, taking it well.."

C- "Yeah, I'd be the token pregnant chick. Like: 'That's Christine, she's pregnant hahahaha!' "

B- "Me too, but then I'd go cry and kill myself.."

C&B- "Ha ha ha ha"

B- "I don't mean that you're a slut and 'why aren't you pregnant yet' I just mean, that you'd take it like you take all of your other problems."

C- "Oh, like it doesn't bother me?"

B- "Yeah, something like that."

So, tyler  Ace rented Kung Pow for me and we're gunna watch it over here..you know, my grandpa's house. i had to stay here this weekend because he's in bad health and i had to drive him to do his errands and protect him from the bad guys. my mom saw us at walmart and said: "oh you DROVE?"  she doesn't like me driving. it makes her think that she's losing control over me. she is, but i like to make her feel better by letting her "be in control" sometimes.  whatever. it's skatin' time.

catch ya'll jive turkeys on the flip side.

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"i feel like we're 50 years old and married, going for a sunday drive.." [14 Aug 2006|06:21am]
[ mood | content ]

went to the beach, which was the best. didn't have to worry about getting schorched, it was perfect out.
my dad called me ten times when we were gone .."just to see how lastnite's date went." suuure.

gotta love the pops. anyway..

so, i keep forgetting andre's movie..maybe i'll ..remember sometime or something.

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it been a long time since i rocked and rolled.. [08 Aug 2006|08:38pm]
[ mood | heh.. ]

but i'm baaack. i guess...

today after school, ace picked me up and he got us micD's.
i got a happy meal cause i wanted a toy.. i like toys, okay, shut up.
yeah then we watched Spaceballs and played twister and took a napppp..

we chilled with my grand'rents cause they're cool like that. and not once did my mom call. which freaked me out..kinda.

i still have to get on the ball and get those damn senior pictures.
but i don't want to because it reminds me of growing up. and responsibility. and i'm still mentally on my summer vacation.

aw, poop, sorry andre, i forgot to get your movie from ace's....i'll get it to ya though, no worries my friend.

all is fair in love and happy meals.

(1 epiphany | return to sender)

where did all the fireflies go? [17 Apr 2006|09:03am]
[ mood | curiously strong ]

the night before last
his dog died 
so i made him walnut brownies
he likes those
and me
his fingers can still remember one song
and he played it like a master
that piano had it commin'
we went to the dock 
to talk and kiss
and watch the tugboats
and the stars
saw a shooting star
and made a wish
no i wont tell you
if i do it wont come true
"45 minutes late?!"
boy, i sure got a talking-to 
happy easter beach
aloe vera and bra-less days 
are my new best friends

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happy december seventh [07 Dec 2005|03:49pm]
[ mood | oopsie poopsie ]

i accidentally swallowed my gum today.
and some guy at some airport got shot and killed because he said he had a bomb.
i wonder ..what if he had a peice of gum in his mouth..do you think he would have swallowed it?

i hope i don't get shot and killed when i go to the airport in a week..i'll be sure not to look suspiscious..or say "bomb", "gun", "blow-up", or "moustache", because those are key words that they listen for.

tis the season, i reckon.

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The White Tee [16 Nov 2005|05:19pm]
[ mood | yayayayayayayayayay! ]

A man-dress, usually white, worn by young urbanites, especially when cruising the mall.
Similar in appearance to the nightgown worn by Ebeneezer Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol", only hipper.

Urbanite #1: Where did you get that white tee? It's off the heezy fo' sheezy!

Urbanite #2: Where do you think I got it? Lane Bryant, where else!

I think it's that time..What time? Time to write an Urban Dictionary! Aduhh.

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kharma, my friend, kharma. [11 Nov 2005|05:42pm]
[ mood | double crossed n' betrayed ]

In the chilly hours and minutes, Of uncertainty, I want to be, In the warm hold of your loving mind. To feel you all around me, And to take your hand, along the sand, Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind. When sundown pales the sky, I wanna hide a while, behind your smile, And everywhere I'd look, your eyes I'd find. For me to love you now, Would be the sweetest thing, 'twould make me sing, Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind. When rain has hung the leaves with tears, I want you near, to kill my fears to help me to leave all my blues behind. For standin' in your heart, Is where I want to be, and I long to be, Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind.


 so i reckon it's funny to play jokes on me that involve innocent sophomores and some serious faces. way to lose my trust, jackasses.

i can't wait for winter break, i'll be quite a few miles away, playing in the snow with my dad for um....i'm not sureeeee... 2 weeks, one day, 2 hours, 30 minutes and 56 seconds away from .... ya'll.



Six O'Clock

(2 epiphanys | return to sender)

the pirate's life for me [08 Nov 2005|08:56pm]
i can't wait to play in the snooooow.
in pennnnnnnsylvania.
and i can't wait for


-christine "danger-is-my-middle-name" miller

ps - you owe me an IOU.

(3 epiphanys | return to sender)

who needs a back seat when i got a v6 and a cd player? [07 Nov 2005|08:15pm]
[ mood | whooletsgoletsgo ]

not much to say.
hey hey
i had a good day.
don't wanna play
or go down a slide
don't try
to race me
can't phase me
old navy
gunna be lazy
don't wanna do nada
don't listen to madonna
and yo mamma.
don't know why
good bye.

woooah i have a carrrr..
it'd be so much cooler if we didnt need cars to get around this city.
we do.

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